There are many customs for what traditionally may happen in a home where someone is marking shiva: 

Door: the front door is left open or unlocked for those paying a condolence call; the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva.

Food: is brought or provided for mourners. Eggs, a symbol of life, are often eaten at the first meal following burial.

Mirrors: mirrors are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity or their appearance during shiva.

Shoes: mourners do not wear shoes, or may wear slippers, while others not in mourning keep their shoes on.

Stools or low chairs: mourners are experiencing grief, and are not comforted by material comforts such as plush couches and chairs.

Some people stay inside their homes throughout the time of shiva. After shiva ends, it is customary to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before returning to work and other worldly tasks.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

(recited by family, friends, neighbors) 

Oh, Holy One of Blessing, at this liminal time of ___________’s death, I am filled with tears

at the loss of life. In the frenzy of making funeral arrangements, I am blessed to step forward,

knowing there is much to be done to honor our grieving (friend, cousin, etc.).

Guide me to mindfully prepare the house of the mourner and to arrange their environment in the traditions that will hold and support them in love throughout the period of shiva.

May ___________’s Soul feel welcomed to return home, one last time in Olam HaZeh before ascending to Olam HaBa. May my selfless efforts bring a droplet of comfort and healing to the mourners as they take on their new role without their beloved ________.

By Rabbi Eva Sax-Bolder

Though this ritual is designed to be done in advance of the soul accounting we do on Yom Kippur, it may be used at any time of the year to reflect on your mortality and prepare for having these end-of-life conversations. You can complete one or more of the seven questions below, as you wish. 

Keep revisiting and revising until you feel it truly reflects your thoughts and feelings. Consider if and when it fits into your Jewish New Year preparations, or if it makes sense at another time of reflection, such as after receiving a diagnosis, reaching a new decade or confronting one’s mortality. 

Whenever you choose to write this letter, review it each year and update as needed. And remember, this can be sensitive and emotional work. Please proceed with caution.

Annual Life Review Task 1: Acknowledging Relationships Think about the people who have figured prominently in your life in the last year. What are their names?

Annual Life Review Task 2: Remembering Key Moments Recall meaningful moments in your life that occurred in the last year. Can you describe them? 

Annual Life Review Task 3: Asking for Forgiveness Write the names of the people who you may have hurt in the last year. Use this opportunity to consider how and when you may ask for their forgiveness.

Annual Life Review Task 4: Forgiving Others or Moving Through the Hurt Write the names of the people who have hurt you in the last year. Consider how and when to forgive or move through the hurt.

Annual Life Review Task 5: Saying "Thank You" Write the names of the people in your life you wish to thank based on your life over the last year. Use this opportunity to identify what they did for you, why you are thankful, and how and when you want to express your gratitude.

Annual Life Review Task 6: Saying "I Love You" Write the names of the people in your life for whom you have felt love in the last year. How and when might you express this love to them ahead of the new year?

Annual Life Review Task 7: Saying "Goodbye" What or who do you want to say goodbye to based on your life in the last year? Consider what or who you would like to let go from the past year.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה, בְּמַעֲלַת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים כְּזֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מַזְהִירִים, אֶת נִשְׁמַת (שם הנפטר בן שם אביו) שֶׁהָלַךְ לְעוֹלָמוֹ, בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁבְּלִי נֶדֶר אֶתֵּן צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכַּרַת נִשְׁמָתוֹ, בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתוֹ, לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים יַסְתִּירֵהוּ בְּסֵתֶר כְּנָפָיו לְעוֹלָמִים, וְיִצְרוֹר בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים אֶת נִשְׁמָתוֹ, יְיָ הוּא נַחֲלָתוֹ, וְיָנוּחַ עַל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ בְּשָׁלוֹם. וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

El Maleh Rachamim, shocheyn bam’romim, ham-tzay m’nucha n’chona al kanfei Hash’china, b’ma-alot kedoshim utehorim k’zo-har haraki-a mazhirim, et nishmat (Name of the Deceased) she-halcha l-olomoh, ba-avur shenodvu tzedakah b’ad hazkarat nishmatah. B’Gan Ayden t’hay menuchatah; la-chayn Ba-al Harachamim yas-tire-ha besayter k'nafav l’olamim, v’yitz-ror bitz-ror hacha-yim et nishmatah, Ado-nay Hu na-chalatah, v’tanu-ach b’shalom al mishkavah. V’nomar: Amen. 

God, full of compassion, dwelling as uplift and within, grant perfect rest under Your sheltering Presence, among the holy and pure who shine with heavenly splendor, to the soul of our dear one who has gone to his/her/their reward. May the Garden of Eternity be his/her/their rest. Please, Power of Compassion, shade him/her/them in the shadow of Your wing forever. May his/her/their soul be bound in the bonds of eternal life. May Adonai be his/her/their inheritance, and may he/she/they rest in peace. And let us say, Amen.

Source: Adapted from Sefaria Community Translation by Rabbi Melanie Levav

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

In memory of Roberta and Michael Laric z”l 

Aharon was silent in the face of death.

Sometimes there are no words

And sometimes words are all we have

To communicate

To commiserate

To comfort.

HaMakom yenachem etchem btoch sh’ar aveilei tzion v'yerushalayim

“May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion

And Jerusalem”

Falls so short

And yet the very formula

Grants grace

Giving us words to fill the silence

Linking our discomfort to the discomfort of ages

And ages of comforters

Standing at graveside

Sitting at shiva

Wishing we could do more.

Sometimes there are no words

And sometimes words are all we have

That and a hand on a shoulder

A tear in the throat

A heart overflowing

And the promise to come

When everyone else has left

So, though bereft,

The mourner is not abandoned. 

-by Rabbi Susan Grossman

—

© Copyright. Rabbi Susan Grossman, 2022. Shared with author’s permission. 

Gathered here in warmth and light,

We share in ancient stories tonight.

From hands both new and weathered with time,

We weave tradition's rich design.

For some, these customs feel like home—

The wine, the food, the sacred tome.

For others, fresh to Passover's ways,

These rituals spark wonder's blaze.

From Egypt's chains to freedom's shore,

We tell a tale told countless times before.

Yet each retelling brings insight anew,

A sparkle fresh as morning dew.

"Seder" means order, a path we'll trace

Through this evening's gathering, at our own pace.

Questions welcome, voices clear—

So ask away, all who gather here.

We'll break the matzah, sip the wine,

Taste bitter and sweet combine.

Each symbol holds a story true

Of freedom's journey, old and new.

So whether first or fiftieth year

You've joined our celebration here,

Tonight we all from Egypt flee—

Each soul discovering what it means to be free.

Let peace and joy fill every heart

As we prepare for our Seder to start.

For freedom's call still rings today,

And so we begin—now let us pray.