Deep appreciation to Rabbi Richard Address of Jewish Sacred Aging, Rabbi Evan Krame of Jewish Doorways and to Rabbi Laura Geller, Rabbi Beth Lieberman for their leadership in developing rituals for this stage of life. We are grateful to the many individuals and organizations named in this booklet who shared their creativity and their writings, including those originally published in New Rituals for New Life Stages, edited by Rabbi Richard Address of Jewish Sacred Aging.

Secular-Friendly Mourners' Kaddish Translation by Rabbi David Cooper

There is an eternal essence that persists in time and space —
and this is our prayer to make it part of our awareness 
by affirming its persistence and pledging ourselves 
to act to advance the promise it holds of a better world; 
may it be soon and in our days. Amen.

Let the great essence be blessed through all our actions!

Whether it be blessed or praised or honored or exalted, 
we affirm that it is far beyond any expression which we use to describe it — 
prayer or song, prose or poem — and we say: Amen

We express our hopes for peace and for life upon us and upon all people. Amen.

May the harmony we experience as we gaze toward heaven 
be reflected in a harmony between all who dwell on the planet: 
Israelite, Ishmaelite, and all creatures upon this holy earth, and we say: Amen.
 

From: Beside Still Waters, available for download and purchase.  

Makor HaChayim, Source of Life, 

You created human beings in your image, 

B'tzelem Elohim* 

Each one of us a unique creation -

genetic material that holds a neshamah** 

a soul that is pure. 

Our bodies and our minds 

are different and diverse creations -

Full of strengths and vulnerabilities, 

talents, challenges, abilities, struggles. 

Some of us born into our bodies needing help 

to move, to see, to hear, to talk, to eat. 

Some of us will take our bodies and minds for granted 

until they change with age, 

reminding us that there are times 

when we all need support. 

The human body is a vessel that we can see, but deeper, 

what is constant and in common among us all 

is the unseen -

the souls that You have placed within us.

Makor HaChayim, Source of Life, 

Help us to encounter one another 

as that pure soul created in Your image; 

that we see ourselves and one another 

as B'tzelem Elohim. 

*B'tzelem Elohim: In Genesis 1:27, we read that God created human beings in God's own image. 

**Neshamah: A Hebrew word meaning 'soul.' 

-by Gabrielle Kaplan-Mayer 

Researchers have begun to establish a causal link between storytelling and thriving. In 2001, psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fvush compared children's psychological health with their knowledge of their own family history. They measured this knowledge on a "Do You Know?" scale. This scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children's emotional health and happiness.

The more children knew their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.

Two months after this study was conducted, the September 11 attacks occurred. The psychologists went back and studied how the same group of children responded to that trauma. The results were the same: "The ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress."

To explain the connection between story and resilience, the psychologists coined the term ‘intergenerational self.’ It's a sense that you're part of something bigger, that your life is an episode in a larger narrative. More than just entertain and amuse, (which they do) cross-generational stories serve another purpose.

Family stories let children know that they're not alone, and that those who came before them celebrated triumphs and overcame struggles, just as they do.

Additionally, in a study of family stories at Emory University, it was found that family stories seem to be transferred by mothers and grandmothers more often than not, and that the information was typically passed during family dinners, family vacations and family holidays. Other data indicated that these very same regular family dinners, vacations, and holiday celebrations occur more frequently in families that have high levels of cohesiveness. It is the ‘intergenerational self’ and the personal strength that is derived from it that are associated with increased resilience, better adjustment, and improved chances of good clinical and educational outcomes.

The researchers define three types of family narratives:

1. The ascending narrative: we came from nothing and now we've succeeded (rags to riches).

2. The descending narrative: we used to have it all and now we have nothing.

3. And, the most healthful narrative is called the oscillating family narrative: we've had ups and downs, and we've persevered, as a family.

This third narrative is the story of the Jewish people.

When we share stories - especially over holidays - year after year after year, we invite the next generation into the Jewish family story. Our stories are still unfolding.