If you have a family member or loved one who is on a difficult fertility journey, this resource from Uprooted, a Jewish Response to Fertility Journeys, invites you to empathically consider how it feels to struggle month after month, to exist in the space of waiting and longing.

Research has shown that women with infertility experience high rates of anxiety and depression. Moreover, a prolonged attempt to conceive begins to impact nearly every aspect of life. Marriages can become strained, finances are often impacted, relationships with friends and family (who may be able to achieve pregnancy) become fraught with tension, and even professional life can be impacted due to frequent doctor appointments. 

Infertility changes people. It threatens their perceptions of themselves, their marriage, their expectations for their future and their capacity for efficacy over their own life. Complicated emotional residue often exists in the aftermath of a difficult family-building experience. 

Family-building difficulties can challenge deeply held beliefs about oneself and the world.

Additionally, couples may grapple with how much information to share with family and friends; many couples respond by closing themselves off from others. Due to the very personal nature of procreation, many people do not share their family-building challenges, which can lead to feelings of isolation. Yet, the Jewish community has an opportunity to lessen that isolation by supporting those among us who are struggling to create families.  Our community can benefit from a more thoughtful, holistic approach to the topic of family building.

Can you begin to cut through deep isolation and offer support, and to learn how to do so from a place of true understanding?  

Ideas to Incorporate:

Inclusivity: Infertility is isolating. Some couples who are struggling find it difficult to participate in family or social activities because it is painful to watch young, happy families celebrate holidays or attend family gatherings. Give some thought to how you can include those who feel excluded or who do not have the emotional capacity to partake in such events.

Heightening awareness: For some people, the natural life expectation of parenthood is a painful, difficult and devastating journey. Our communal response must be one of support, tolerance, inclusion and awareness. Create space for those individuals and couples who are still on their family-building journeys.

Mindfulness: All too often, we presume that creating a family is a natural, loving act. It is anguishing to be unable to participate in this essential part of life. If the topic of children arises, be mindful when interacting with people that they may be struggling with something very private and painful.

Empathic response: Consider things that you may take for granted because they align with your lived experience. You would not want to inadvertently worsen someone’s pain with an offhand comment or question. Can you widen your perspective to be more empathic?

This is only a glimpse of what a difficult fertility challenge is like. People go through it in different ways, and the tools above can help you to support people in the best way that you can.

We Remember Them by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.

We Remember Them

by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.

When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.

For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.

We Remember Them
by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.