To the One who blessed our ancestors and the

One who blesses all beings here on this earth,

bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.

May they find solace in their memory,

and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.

Bless all those who are struggling with the death

of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.

May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.

May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.

May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.

While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.

Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.

Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.

Make both life and death a blessing.

Amen.

A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.

When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.

For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.

-by by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Each year, the chairs around our seder table are filled with different individuals who join together to retell, once again, the story of our enslavement and our redemption. The Passover seder is more than a history lesson, for each of us is instructed to see ourselves as if we had personally been freed from Egypt. It has to become our own story, told in the context of the generations of our family and community. We add new layers as this year’s experience melds with the memories of the past.

Yet some years are painfully different. A beloved family member or friend has died during the past year. There is an empty chair at the seder table. We may find ourselves dreading the coming holiday. How can we go through the same rituals, when life has been so drastically altered? What if we begin to cry at the seder table? What if everyone is so afraid of pain that they ignore the empty chair? Are we even allowed to bring our sadness to the seder, which seems like it should be a happy occasion? Sometimes death changes family/ social relations and yours is also the empty chair at a seder. How do you find meaning in the holiday now?

Using the traditional structure and rituals of the seder service, as found in the Haggadah, below are ways that enable you to pay attention to your journey of grief. Each represents one step of the seder with teachings, comments and questions relating that Jewish ritual or prayer to the individual experience of memory, loss and healing.

Karpas | כַּרְפַּס
The First Dipping Hors d’oeuvres of Spring Greens:  Salt water represents our tears as slaves in Egypt. In my bereavement, as time goes by, what are s the sources of my tears? What makes me cry? Is there anything that still enslaves me to my tears? The karpas, a spring vegetable, represents renewal that comes in the springtime. As I move from grief and mourning into a different yet potentially full and renewed life what is growing in me and what comes alive in me again?

Yachatz | יַחַץ
Breaking the Matza:  This matza represents brokenness. As the matza is broken in half, the broken piece is set aside for the afikomen, which when found toward the end of the seder, symbolizes renewed wholeness and redemption. In my broken-heartedness, have there been paths of healing for me? In my brokenness, have I found places of greater strength within me? Can I imagine moving towards a new kind of wholeness?

Maggid | מַגִיד
Telling the Story:  One of the central mitzvot of Pesach is telling the story of oppression and the journey to liberation. It is interesting to note that the Haggadah offers us at least four versions of the Passover story. There is telling through symbols, historical recounting, moral expositions, and facts with expanded interpretations. What are some of the different ways in which you tell the stories of your loved one and the journey you took together?

Rachtza | רַחְצָה
Washing Before Eating Matza:  When we have been to a cemetery, it is customary to wash our hands before entering a building. It is a remnant of the Biblical idea that contact with the dead puts an individual into a different state. Purification by water is necessary prior to reentering the community. What rituals have been helpful to you in making the transition from focusing completely on your loved one and your loss, and being able to be more fully a part of your own changed life?

Birkat Hamazon – Barech | בָּרֵך
The Blessing after the Meal:  They who sow in tears, shall reap with joy. You have shed many tears since the death of your loved one. What are the blessings you received from your loved one which continue to nourish you? What are the blessings that have come into your life since your loss?

From: Coping with the Empty Chair at the Seder: A Personal Journal for Memory and Contemplation,

Prepared By Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, LMSW, The Jewish Board

(recited by family, friends, neighbors) 

As I prepare and cook this meal, may I keep in my mind and my heart the holy purpose of providing comfort to these mourners.

May the work of my hands provide strength for their bodies and solace for their hearts.

May a sense of community provide some comfort in this time of devastation.

May the Source of Nourishment be with these mourners, sustaining them now and always.

-by Rabbi Janet Madden

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

While there is no blessing to recite while lighting the memorial candle, it is appropriate to think about the memory of the specific person you are grieving, or of any loved ones who have died, as you light the candle. Before lighting the candle, take a few moments to make the space where the candle will sit for the next 25 hours feel holy.

First, make sure the candle is placed on a surface that is safe and where the flame will not affect any surrounding furniture or fabrics. Then, add a photograph of anyone you are remembering next to the candle, or any objects that remind you of the person. These could be trinkets they owned, family heirlooms, favorite books, items from nature, or even a piece of clothing. Finally, if you have been making a memory jar, add that to this holy space.