Confronting loss is an inevitable part of the aging process. As we grow older, we may lose our physical capabilities, our sight or hearing, our sense of wellness, or our mobility. We may experience the deaths of friends, siblings, partners and loved ones. And, we may have to confront a loss of our independence or our mental acuity. 

In coping with these losses, we must allow ourselves to grieve and acknowledge our feelings of frustration, sadness, and anger. Only then can we fully embrace these changes as the natural movement of life. To guide you through that process, we have reimagined the Jewish ritual of tashlich, or releasing negativity into water. Tashlich is a way to let these losses go and make space for gratitude and strength. 

If you are physically able, begin by visiting a large, natural body of flowing water like a lake, river, sea or ocean. If that is not available to you, fill a large bowl or basin with water. 

Bring with you crumbs of bread, flower petals, pieces of leaves or other natural materials that will disintegrate safely in the water. These will symbolize your losses. It may be one of the losses listed above, or something more ephemeral, such as the loss of goals or experiences we set for ourselves in our younger years that we have not achieved. 

As you stand at the water's edge or glance into the bowl of water, release the crumbs or petals, one at a time. For each item you release, exhale and imagine the negative feelings drifting slowly away. Once you have released all your items, take a moment to meditate and reflect. You may wish to say a blessing of gratitude to close. 

This conversation is devoted to the naming of a trusted person who could make medical decisions for you, if you were not able, based on your expressed wishes and documented preferences. Before holding this conversation, read through each section carefully and think about your answers. 

First, determine who you would want to make decisions on your behalf and invite them to this conversation. As you think about this person, consider what special instructions should be given and what limits should be observed by this person.  Think also about designating a physician who would be the right person to guide your agent and to act upon the decisions made for your care. This conversation may be revisited and decisions reconsidered as needed. 

Havdalah separates the sacred from the mundane. Today, we move from the wonderful busy clatter of everyday life to enter a new space. We are grateful to share the intimacy of our hopes and fears. 

בָּרוּך אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶך הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וקְִיְמָּנוּ והְִגִיּעָנוּ לַזְמַן הַזֶה

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha’olam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyimanu, v’higiyanu la’z’man ha’zeh

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who has sustained us, supported us, and brought us to this moment.

Thank you for being such a meaningful person in my life. 

As we prepare for this conversation of meaning, we express gratitude for the sweetness of our time together. We raise our glasses in tribute to the mysteries of life and death. What a wonder it is to bear witness to the world! And how pleasant to share the journey with ones we cherish. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּֽפֶן.

Baruch atah Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, borei pri hagafen.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates the fruit of the vine.

With the taste of wine on our tongue, and the warmth of togetherness in our hearts, we step into this special moment of understanding and love. 

Neshama is the Hebrew word for both soul and breath. God breathed our soul into us, making our lives God’s exhalation. Our deeds spice and perfume the air. Each facet of life is to be breathed in and appreciated, from our first breath to the moment the world kisses us and takes our breath away. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מִינֵי בְשָׂמִים.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, boray minay vesamim.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates a variety of spices.

Now is a time to discuss core issues surrounding end of life decisions. These questions from Shomer Collective are helpful to start the conversation. What does a good day look like for you as you approach the end of life? What Jewish and spiritual practices provide you comfort and may influence your end of life decisions. For example, will you want a spiritual guide or prayers in your last moments? Will you donate your organs? What quality of life is unacceptable to you as you approach the end of your life? Are there considerations in determining how you will receive care? 

Thank you for respecting and heeding my wishes, and for imbuing my spirit with dignity. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מְאוֹרֵי הָאֵשׁ.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, borei me’oray ha’aysh.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates the light of fire. 

At this point, you may have chosen your designated person and outlined your preferences so that you are ready to sign your advanced directive. Please note, this directive only becomes effective once it is notarized and signed by two witnesses. If someone in your life is a notary, you might invite them and your witnesses to this ceremony. Be sure to provide a copy to your physician, the agent and key family members who may also wish to discuss the directive. It can be revised as circumstances change or your wishes evolve. 

“Rabbi Shimon said: There are three crowns: the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood, and the crown of royalty. But the crown of a good name excels them all.”   Pirkei Avot 2:17

Thank you for the seal of your good name. May your name be a blessing for all time.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, הַמַּבְדִיל בֵּין קֹֽדֶשׁ לְחוֹל, בֵּין אוֹר לְחֹֽשֶׁךְ, בֵּין יִשְׂרָאֵל לָעַמִּים, בֵּין יוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי לְשֵֽׁשֶׁת יְמֵי הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, הַמַּבְדִיל בֵּין קֹֽדֶשׁ לְחוֹל.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, hamavdil  bayn kodesh lechol  bayn or lechoshech   bayn Yisrael la’amim   bayn yom hashevi’i leshayshet yemay hama’aseh.  Baruch atah, Adonai, hamavdil bayn kodesh lechol.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the World, Who separates between sacred and secular; between light and darkness; between Israel and other communities; between work and rest. Blessed are You, God, who separates between sacred and secular.

We conclude our ceremony with song. The music of our lives is part of the great symphony of eternity. 

עשֶֹׁה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יושְׁבֵי תֵבֶל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן

Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol-yisrael, v’al kol yoshvei teivel, v'imru amen. 

Maker of abundant peace, God will make peace for us, for all Israel, and for all the world. Amen. 

Though this ritual is designed to be done in advance of the soul accounting we do on Yom Kippur, it may be used at any time of the year to reflect on your mortality and prepare for having these end of life conversations. You can complete one or more of the seven questions below, as you wish. 

Keep revisiting and revising until you feel it truly reflects your thoughts and feelings. Consider if and when it fits into your Jewish New Year preparations. Whenever you choose to write this letter, review it each year and update as needed. And remember, this can be sensitive and emotional work. Please proceed with caution.

Annual Life Review Task 1: Acknowledging Relationships Think about the people who have figured prominently in your life in the last year. What are their names?

Annual Life Review Task 2: Remembering Key Moments Recall meaningful moments in your life that occurred in the last year. Can you describe them? 

Annual Life Review Task 3: Asking for Forgiveness Write the names of the people who you may have hurt in the last year. Use this opportunity to consider how and when you may ask for their forgiveness.

Annual Life Review Task 4: Forgiving Others or Moving Through the Hurt Write the names of the people who have hurt you in the last year. Consider how and when to forgive or move through the hurt.

Annual Life Review Task 5: Saying "Thank You" Write the names of the people in your life you wish to thank based on your life over the last year. Use this opportunity to identify what they did for you, why you are thankful, and how and when you want to express your gratitude.

Annual Life Review Task 6: Saying "I Love You" Write the names of the people in your life for whom you have felt love in the last year. How and when might you express this love to them ahead of the new year?

Annual Life Review Task 7: Saying "Goodbye" What or who do you want to say goodbye to based on your life in the last year? Consider what or who you would like to let go from the past year.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Tashlich, which literally means “casting off,” is a beautifully simple and accessible practice, grounded in the purifying nature of water. 

The core of the ritual is the casting of pebbles, or some other natural material such as leaves or flowers, into a natural body of water—breadcrumbs are traditional for Tashlich, but there is evidence that bread or other foods can be damaging to local wildlife. 

Casting into the water symbolizes the casting off of one’s sins; the moments in our lives during the past year in which we’ve missed the mark. 

This particular Tashlich focuses on individual and collective ways of living that no longer serve us or our planet. How do we continue to miss the mark in caring for ourselves, the earth, and all the ways we are connected? 

Feel free to do this Tashlich ritual with a friend or family member, or by yourself (just substitute “I” for “we” below). As you read each line, cast your stone, leaf, or other natural material into the water. Imagine that way of living floating away as the water carries it. 

We cast off the mindset of consumerism that drives extraction from the natural world.

We release our collective need to buy the next big fast fashion craze or tech gadget. 

We cast off our societal dependance on gas-powered vehicles and fossil fuels. 

We release our collective attachment to extravagant and unnecessary international travel. 

We cast off the societal mindset that prizes individualism and competition above all. 

Once you have finished casting, take a few moments to reflect on what you want to do differently. If you feel especially drawn to releasing your attachment to fast fashion, for instance, consider shopping from second-hand and thrift stores, or joining your local Buy Nothing group. Is there something else you’d like to shift in your life to support healing our planet? Feel free to name it.

The Danish call it “hygge,” a sense of feeling cozy and safe at home. Many Jewish homes feature Birkat Habayit, a blessing of protection on a plaque. What feelings and blessings do you want to invite into your home? Create your own using this template. 

Let this home be filled with:

May we support each other through:

May we always feel: 

In Jewish tradition, the cycle of the moon has been compared to the Jewish people, as it waxes and wanes but is ever-present and continuing. Additionally, the Jewish calendar is modeled on the phases of the moon, with each month beginning on a new moon. So too, our sense of healing may wax and wane from week-to-week or month-to-month.

Choose an evening when the moon is clearly visible in the sky. Feel free to intentionally select a night with a moon phase that aligns with how you’re feeling (for example, waning crescent if you’re feeling tired and depleted, waxing gibbous if you’re noticing growing strength in your body, mind, or spirit). No matter which phase the moon is in when you do this practice, take a moment to breathe deeply and approach the moon with a mindset of curiosity. What might the moon teach you tonight? 

Notice how you feel when you look at the moon. If you haven’t intentionally selected your moon phase, notice what phase the moon is in tonight. Do you know if it’s waxing or waning? You may wish to look up this information later if you’re not sure. If it feels good to do so, you can put one hand over your heart and the other on your belly to ground yourself. 

Take another breath, and when you’re ready, say the following out loud or in your heart: 

Shekhinah, Divine presence, may I remember tonight and always that, much like the moon, the work of healing is ever-shifting and changing. 

Thank yourself for being here tonight. You can keep looking at the moon for as long as it feels supportive to do so. 

Notice if anything has shifted for you during this practice, and know that it’s also ok if you feel no different or if nothing seems to have changed. While this can be a frustrating experience, it may be helpful to recognize that healing is a nonlinear process of ebbs and flows. What you put effort into will reap rewards, but it might not always be right away.