Here's to the Jews that we got
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of the Passover we’ve been through
Toast to the Jews here today
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
There's a time that I remember, when the Jews knew lots of pain
When they were slaves forever, and thought everything would stay the same
In our hearts we must remember, what our people once became
They probably couldn’t even imagine, they'd become free one day, yeah
Every Jews hurt sometimes
Every Jews hurt someday, aye aye
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise the 2nd cup and say, aye
Here's to the Jews that we got
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of the Passover we’ve been through
Toast to the Jews here today
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
There's a time we must remember, when the Jews never felt so lost
When we felt the Pharaoh’s hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
But God made Moses a leader, and he lighted up the dark
God carries the weight for us that you know He'll never drop, yeah
Every Jew hurts sometimes
Every Jew hurts someday, aye aye
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise the 2nd Cup and say, aye
Here's to the Jews that we got (oh oh)
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of everything the Jews have been through (no, no)
Toast to the Jews here today (aye)
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories (aye)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew (ooh, yeah)
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews!
W.A.P.
(Wet-Ass Pharaoh)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
(Three’s some Jews in this house)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
Said G-d’s got technique
Full of mystique
Wet-ass Pharaoh
God’s Red Sea game on fleak
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, G-d made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Bring a bucket and a mop for this Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Gave us what we want, made a Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Beat their idols, judgments charged
Extra-large and extra-hard
Put this Pharaoh in his place
Smote their firstborn made them die-hard
No need to top, would’ve sufficed
But G-d copped their wealth, how fine
Split the sea, made it rise
This Pharaoh got wet, took a dive
Dry-land, again would have sufficed
We just say, G-d, dayenu
But. G-d. Drowned. Our. Oppressors.
And we again say that sufficed!
In the desert, like a dream
For forty years, what a scene
We don't cook, we don't clean
But let me tell you how we got this manna
Gobble it, swallow it, off the ground
Quick, eat it up ‘fore there’s no more of it
G-d tells us about Shabbat, would’ve been enough
G-d gives us Mount Sinai, would’ve been enough
We read God’s Torah, read it well
Ask for more we wouldn’t dare
But we really ain't never gotta ask G-d for a thang
G-d already made mind up 'to give us Israel
We got our Temple and our promised land
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Said, G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
That’s right, G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor
Preview
More
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT
JERRY
Do you know why they call it Passover? G-d told Moses that the Israelites should mark their doorposts with lamb’s blood. So that He could “pass over” their houses. And spare them from the plague of the killing of the first born. My question is: Who was put in charge of telling everyone? That’s a big job. There’s a lot counting on that job. What if someone isn’t home? How did they tell them? Did they leave a note? Probably not. The Egyptians could see it. Would have ruined the whole plan. Did they just take the liberty of putting lamb’s blood on the door? What about when that family gets home, sees blood all over their door? “Honey, do you see this? Someone put blood on our door. Someone’s out to get us! You better get off the couch and wipe this off.” “I’m busy! Have our first born do it!”
adapted from The Yada Yada Haggadah - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1793219109
Jerry Seinfeld's Passover Stand-Up Introduction - The Yada Yada Haggadah
Preview
More
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT
ELAINE
Now do we eat? I’m starving.
KRAMER
Sort of. Next up is the Karpas. Who wants to do the Karpas? Yael?
George's love interest Yael replies:
YAEL
I’d be honored. For the Karpas, we dip fresh green vegetables into bitter, salty water. It symbolizes the celebration of a painful moment in Jewish history, by combining a metaphor of tears and slavery, the salt water, with one of spring and rebirth, the green vegetable, in this case, the big salad Elaine brought.
YAEL DIPS SOME OF THE BIG SALAD INTO THE SALT WATER. SHE BITES THE VEGETABLE.
YAEL
Mmm.
YAEL PASSES THE KARPAS TO GEORGE. HE TAKES THE BIG SALAD AND SALT WATER NEXT, DIPS, AND BITES.
GEORGE
Mmm.
YAEL SMILES. HOWEVER, GEORGE THEN RE-DIPS THE BITTEN VEGETABLE INTO THE SALT WATER AND TAKES ANOTHER BITE.
GEORGE
Mmmmmmm.
YAEL LOOKS AT GEORGE. SHE’S DISGUSTED.
YAEL
What are you doing?
GEORGE
What?
YAEL
You just double dipped the Karpas?
GEORGE
Excuse me?
YAEL
You dipped the Karpas. Bit it. And dipped it again.
GEORGE
So?
George's Father, Frank, yells at him:
FRANK
It’s like putting your whole mouth in the Karpas, George!
GEORGE
I didn’t get enough salt water the first time. I like to really feel the tears of our people. Is that so bad?
YAEL
There’s no double dipping. In general. Of anything.
George's mother criticizes him:
ESTELLE
Who raised you to double dip? We didn’t raise him to double dip. I can tell you that.
FRANK
I’m sorry you had to see that, Yael.
GEORGE
Can we just say the prayer already?!
EVERYONE:
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha`olam, bo'rei p'ri ha'adama.
Praised Are You, Our G-d, who creates the fruit of the earth.
adapted From The Yada Yada Haggadah - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1793219109
Here's to the Jews that we got
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of the Passover we’ve been through
Toast to the Jews here today
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
There's a time that I remember, when the Jews knew lots of pain
When they were slaves forever, and thought everything would stay the same
In our hearts we must remember, what our people once became
They probably couldn’t even imagine, they'd become free one day, yeah
Every Jews hurt sometimes
Every Jews hurt someday, aye aye
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise the 2nd cup and say, aye
Here's to the Jews that we got
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of the Passover we’ve been through
Toast to the Jews here today
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
There's a time we must remember, when the Jews never felt so lost
When we felt the Pharaoh’s hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
But God made Moses a leader, and he lighted up the dark
God carries the weight for us that you know He'll never drop, yeah
Every Jew hurts sometimes
Every Jew hurts someday, aye aye
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise the 2nd Cup and say, aye
Here's to the Jews that we got (oh oh)
Cheers to the Jews we wish were here, but are not
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories
Of everything the Jews have been through (no, no)
Toast to the Jews here today (aye)
Toast to the Jews that we lost on the way
'Cause the 2nd Cup brings back all the memories (aye)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo
Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew, Jew Jew (ooh, yeah)
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh
Memories bring back, memories bring back the Jews!
W.A.P.
(Wet-Ass Pharaoh)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
(Three’s some Jews in this house)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
(There’s some Jews in this house)
Said G-d’s got technique
Full of mystique
Wet-ass Pharaoh
God’s Red Sea game on fleak
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, G-d made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Bring a bucket and a mop for this Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Gave us what we want, made a Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Beat their idols, judgments charged
Extra-large and extra-hard
Put this Pharaoh in his place
Smote their firstborn made them die-hard
No need to top, would’ve sufficed
But G-d copped their wealth, how fine
Split the sea, made it rise
This Pharaoh got wet, took a dive
Dry-land, again would have sufficed
We just say, G-d, dayenu
But. G-d. Drowned. Our. Oppressors.
And we again say that sufficed!
In the desert, like a dream
For forty years, what a scene
We don't cook, we don't clean
But let me tell you how we got this manna
Gobble it, swallow it, off the ground
Quick, eat it up ‘fore there’s no more of it
G-d tells us about Shabbat, would’ve been enough
G-d gives us Mount Sinai, would’ve been enough
We read God’s Torah, read it well
Ask for more we wouldn’t dare
But we really ain't never gotta ask G-d for a thang
G-d already made mind up 'to give us Israel
We got our Temple and our promised land
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Said, G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
That’s right, G-d took care of us, Dayenu
Made one Wet-Ass Pharaoh
Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor
Preview
More
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT
JERRY
Do you know why they call it Passover? G-d told Moses that the Israelites should mark their doorposts with lamb’s blood. So that He could “pass over” their houses. And spare them from the plague of the killing of the first born. My question is: Who was put in charge of telling everyone? That’s a big job. There’s a lot counting on that job. What if someone isn’t home? How did they tell them? Did they leave a note? Probably not. The Egyptians could see it. Would have ruined the whole plan. Did they just take the liberty of putting lamb’s blood on the door? What about when that family gets home, sees blood all over their door? “Honey, do you see this? Someone put blood on our door. Someone’s out to get us! You better get off the couch and wipe this off.” “I’m busy! Have our first born do it!”
adapted from The Yada Yada Haggadah - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1793219109
Jerry Seinfeld's Passover Stand-Up Introduction - The Yada Yada Haggadah
Preview
More
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT
ELAINE
Now do we eat? I’m starving.
KRAMER
Sort of. Next up is the Karpas. Who wants to do the Karpas? Yael?
George's love interest Yael replies:
YAEL
I’d be honored. For the Karpas, we dip fresh green vegetables into bitter, salty water. It symbolizes the celebration of a painful moment in Jewish history, by combining a metaphor of tears and slavery, the salt water, with one of spring and rebirth, the green vegetable, in this case, the big salad Elaine brought.
YAEL DIPS SOME OF THE BIG SALAD INTO THE SALT WATER. SHE BITES THE VEGETABLE.
YAEL
Mmm.
YAEL PASSES THE KARPAS TO GEORGE. HE TAKES THE BIG SALAD AND SALT WATER NEXT, DIPS, AND BITES.
GEORGE
Mmm.
YAEL SMILES. HOWEVER, GEORGE THEN RE-DIPS THE BITTEN VEGETABLE INTO THE SALT WATER AND TAKES ANOTHER BITE.
GEORGE
Mmmmmmm.
YAEL LOOKS AT GEORGE. SHE’S DISGUSTED.
YAEL
What are you doing?
GEORGE
What?
YAEL
You just double dipped the Karpas?
GEORGE
Excuse me?
YAEL
You dipped the Karpas. Bit it. And dipped it again.
GEORGE
So?
George's Father, Frank, yells at him:
FRANK
It’s like putting your whole mouth in the Karpas, George!
GEORGE
I didn’t get enough salt water the first time. I like to really feel the tears of our people. Is that so bad?
YAEL
There’s no double dipping. In general. Of anything.
George's mother criticizes him:
ESTELLE
Who raised you to double dip? We didn’t raise him to double dip. I can tell you that.
FRANK
I’m sorry you had to see that, Yael.
GEORGE
Can we just say the prayer already?!
EVERYONE:
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha`olam, bo'rei p'ri ha'adama.
Praised Are You, Our G-d, who creates the fruit of the earth.
adapted From The Yada Yada Haggadah - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1793219109
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