Invite an intimate group to gather in community.

The ritual facilitator reads this poem:

The Cure by Albert Huffstickler

We think we get over things.

We don't get over things.

Or say, we get over measles

but not a broken heart.

We need to make that distinction.

the things that become part of our experience

never become less a part of our experience.

How can I say it? 

The way to "get over" a life is to die.

Short of that, you move with it,

let the pain be pain,

not in the hope that it will vanish

but in the faith that it will fit in,

find its place in the shape of things

and be then not any less pain but true to form.

Because anything natural has an inherent shape

and will flow towards it.

And a life is as natural as a leaf.

That's what we're looking for:

not the end of a thing but the shape of it.

Wisdom is seeing the shape of your life

without obliterating (getting over) a single

instant of it.

Yom Kippur is the ultimate to do list. It is the moment when we leave behind our everyday lives and get deep in our relationship with the Divine. Before we can just be, we have a few final things to do. 

Give to charity. Start tapering off that caffeine. Make amends. Select an outfit of white clothing. Reflect and pray. Eat a big meal, but not too big. Return to your altar and light a memorial candle for your ancestors. 

Use this booklet on Yom Kippur evening (also known as Kol Nidre) or during the day of Yom Kippur to guide you through the process of repentance and rededication.

Kol Nidre Chant
By Kohenet Keshira HaLev Fife 
 

Kol nidre is not for beating our chests

Kol nidre is for returning to our best

Kol nidre is for releasing every vow

Kol nidre come to presence here and now

At-one-ment, at-one-ment, reflect and take it slow 

At-one-ment, at-one-ment, release and let it go

At-one-ment, at-one-ment, return to where we start 

At-one-ment, at-one-ment, aligning with our hearts
 

Kol Nidre means “all vows,” and this hauntingly beautiful prayer is also a legal ritual, releasing us from all our broken promises from the past year. Once we declare these collective failures nullified, we are able to move into the rest of Yom Kippur together. 

All vows and prohibitions and oaths …

that we may vow or swear or prohibit upon ourselves

from this Yom Kippur until the Yom Kippur that is coming upon us for goodness—

regarding all of them, we repudiate them.

All of them are undone, abandoned, cancelled, null and void, not in force, and not in effect.

Our vows are no longer vows, and our prohibitions are no longer prohibitions, and our oaths are no longer oaths.

On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we read the traditional confessional prayer, the Vidui, which has two parts: Ashamnu and Al Chet. Both are written in the first person plural. No matter who surrounds us, we share the responsibility for what we have done wrong and the obligation to do better in the future. Recently, positive versions of the Ashamnu have emerged, helping us appreciate where we have done well in the past year. 

These modern interpretations can help you to reflect on where you’ve made mistakes and where you’ve created good in the world. Some people have a custom of beating their fist against their heart as they confess each sin, and of massaging their hearts with an open hand for every appreciation. 

Confess/Thorns                                               Appreciate/Roses           

We have behaved arrogantly                             We have adored

We have betrayed ourselves and others           We have blessed ourselves and others  

We have acted out of contempt                         We have comforted 

We have been dishonest                                   We have directed our energies toward truth

We have erred out of ignorance                        We have been empathetic 

We have forgotten who we are                          We have forgiven past wrongs 

We have gossiped                                             We have grown 

We have been hypocritical                                We have helped even when we weren’t asked 

We have been insensitive                                 We have insisted on loving each other 

We have justified bad decisions                        We have been just 

We have killed our impulse to do good             We have been kind 

We have looked the other way                         We have learned 

We have been mean                                        We have been merciful    

We have been neglectful                                  We have nursed compassion from scorn

We have acted out of fear instead of love        We have been open-minded 

We have pushed too much                               We have spoken positively 

We have been quiet when we should have spoken up                   We have questioned in a healthy way 

We have refused to help when we had the ability                           We have respected our friends and family

We have slandered                                           We have supported strangers 

We have taken from others when we had enough for ourselves     We have cultivated truth

We have been untrue                                        We have unlearned falsehoods 

We have behaved violently                               We have validated each others’ feelings

We have withheld what could have been given freely                     We have been willing to change 

We have been xenophobic                               We have experienced pure joy 

We have yielded to our worst impulses            We have yearned for a better future

We have zealously protected evil-doers           We have zestily given our best  

Positive Vidui adapted from Rabbi Avi Weiss: https://opensiddur.org/prayers/lunisolar/high-holy-days/life-affirming-vidui-by-rabbi-avi-weiss/