Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today, even as we say goodbye to loved ones. Our partners at Shomer Collective remind us of the Torah teaching to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end of life wishes to our loved ones. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens. We hope these rituals, grounded in Jewish tradition, elevate and sanctify your end of life conversations.

No matter your age, we hope this book has inspired you to see becoming an elder as a privilege that is worthy of celebration. Remember that planting even the most beloved parts of our lives in the soil can turn them into the rich compost from which new flowers can bloom. 

We close this book of rituals with a prayer for us as we embark upon the sacred journey of aging, inspired by Tefilat HaDerech, the Traveler’s Prayer.

May it be Your will, God who blessed us and our ancestors, that You guide us toward peace, joy and longevity. May You rescue us from all adversity we may encounter. May You bless our endeavors to create meaning as we age, and grant us grace, kindness and mercy. May You hear these requests because You are God who hears our prayers. Blessed are You, Source of Life, who hears prayer.

“Rabbi Tarfon said: The day is short and the work is long. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.” Pirkei Avot 2:16 

“There are two ways to live. You can live as if nothing is a miracle. You can live as if everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein 

"I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability." Ruth Bader Ginsberg 

"The end of the matter is better than the beginning.” Ecclesiastes 7:8 

Adonai, this living has squeezed the juice from me; I am but a

rind, my innards pulp.

I can no longer go out and come in.

You nurtured my early self, You amazed my childhood.

I Yearned in my youth

And loved in my ripeness.

I have sought and found

and lost

and found again.

I have borne my fruit.

I have searched my ambition

Studied to my achievement And served with passion.

I have lived in Your glorious work of art, Creation, with curiosity,

attention, joy and thanksgiving.

I have taught what I learned,

And when I had no more to teach, I simply loved.

I have peeled away the husks to find my soul: Your spirit within

me.

Wherever you placed me, I did the Tikkun I could. Thus I have

offered myself in the Temple of Your world.

I have sung my song and danced my dance; And now I am old.

The trickle in my veins barely nourishes me. I ache in every part

of me.

So many of my dear ones are dead.

Why have you sustained me in this withering?

How is it possible, now, to add to Your Majesty? What purpose

can there be in my suffering?

Is there yet a task for me that I have missed? If so, keep not this

secret from me.

For I am ready, My Creator,

To give up this body to the Earth To be remixed into fresh life.

I long to be joined to you

as I yearned for the lover of my youth.

In your mercy, Dear One,

I beseech you—

Walk by and offer Your hand.

Take me.

____

Shared with author’s permission.

As God blessed our ancestors on their journeys, so may you be blessed as you embark on the journey of your retirement. May you find rest and challenge, quiet and adventure. May you be sustained by the achievements of your work life and inspired by the possibilities of what lies ahead. May you allow yourself to experience silence and rest, and may you open yourself to the new music that may emerge from that silence.

This conversation is devoted to the naming of a trusted person who could make medical decisions for you, if you were not able, based on your expressed wishes and documented preferences. Before holding this conversation, read through each section carefully and think about your answers. 

First, determine who you would want to make decisions on your behalf and invite them to this conversation. As you think about this person, consider what special instructions should be given and what limits should be observed by this person. Think also about designating a physician who would be the right person to guide your agent and to act upon the decisions made for your care. This conversation may be revisited and decisions reconsidered as needed. 

Havdalah separates the sacred from the mundane. Today, we move from the wonderful busy clatter of everyday life to enter a new space. We are grateful to share the intimacy of our hopes and fears. 

בָּרוּך אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶך הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וקְִיְמָּנוּ והְִגִיּעָנוּ לַזְמַן הַזֶה

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha’olam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyimanu, v’higiyanu la’z’man ha’zeh

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who has sustained us, supported us, and brought us to this moment.

Thank you for being such a meaningful person in my life. 

As we prepare for this conversation of meaning, we express gratitude for the sweetness of our time together. We raise our glasses in tribute to the mysteries of life and death. What a wonder it is to bear witness to the world! And how pleasant to share the journey with ones we cherish. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּֽפֶן.

Baruch atah Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, borei pri hagafen.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates the fruit of the vine.

With the taste of wine on our tongue, and the warmth of togetherness in our hearts, we step into this special moment of understanding and love. 

Neshama is the Hebrew word for both soul and breath. God breathed our soul into us, making our lives God’s exhalation. Our deeds spice and perfume the air. Each facet of life is to be breathed in and appreciated, from our first breath to the moment the world kisses us and takes our breath away. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מִינֵי בְשָׂמִים.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, boray minay vesamim.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates a variety of spices.

Now is a time to discuss core issues surrounding end of life decisions. These questions from Shomer Collective are helpful to start the conversation. What does a good day look like for you as you approach the end of life? What Jewish and spiritual practices provide you comfort and may influence your end of life decisions. For example, will you want a spiritual guide or prayers in your last moments? Will you donate your organs? What quality of life is unacceptable to you as you approach the end of your life? Are there considerations in determining how you will receive care? 

Thank you for respecting and heeding my wishes, and for imbuing my spirit with dignity. 

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מְאוֹרֵי הָאֵשׁ.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, borei me’oray ha’aysh.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the world, Who creates the light of fire. 

At this point, you may have chosen your designated person and outlined your preferences so that you are ready to sign your advanced directive. Please note, this directive only becomes effective once it is notarized and signed by two witnesses. If someone in your life is a notary, you might invite them and your witnesses to this ceremony. Be sure to provide a copy to your physician, the agent and key family members who may also wish to discuss the directive. It can be revised as circumstances change or your wishes evolve. 

“Rabbi Shimon said: There are three crowns: the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood, and the crown of royalty. But the crown of a good name excels them all.” Pirkei Avot 2:17

Thank you for the seal of your good name. May your name be a blessing for all time.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, הַמַּבְדִיל בֵּין קֹֽדֶשׁ לְחוֹל, בֵּין אוֹר לְחֹֽשֶׁךְ, בֵּין יִשְׂרָאֵל לָעַמִּים, בֵּין יוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי לְשֵֽׁשֶׁת יְמֵי הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, הַמַּבְדִיל בֵּין קֹֽדֶשׁ לְחוֹל.

Baruch atah, Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, hamavdil bayn kodesh lechol bayn or lechoshech bayn Yisrael la’amim bayn yom hashevi’i leshayshet yemay hama’aseh. Baruch atah, Adonai, hamavdil bayn kodesh lechol.

Blessed are You, our God, Soul of the World, Who separates between sacred and secular; between light and darkness; between Israel and other communities; between work and rest. Blessed are You, God, who separates between sacred and secular.

We conclude our ceremony with song. The music of our lives is part of the great symphony of eternity. 

עשֶֹׁה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יושְׁבֵי תֵבֶל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן

Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol-yisrael, v’al kol yoshvei teivel, v'imru amen. 

Maker of abundant peace, God will make peace for us, for all Israel, and for all the world. Amen.