Death is a part of life. Whether you’re planning for the end of a life, navigating a recent loss or remembering a loved one, Jewish rituals are designed to bring you peace and comfort during these challenging times. Learn about sitting shiva, explore Jewish funeral customs and blessings, and find end-of-life rituals that feel right for you and your family.
Learn more about Jewish rituals to honor the
end of a life
Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today. The Torah teaches us to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end-of-life wishes to the important people in our lives. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens.
“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, as in the seven days of mourning following a burial. Children, spouses, siblings, and parents of the deceased are traditionally obligated to sit shiva. During a shiva period, Jewish mourners stay at home while their family and friends take care of their basic needs by sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. The idea is to give mourners the time and space they need to process their grief and cope with the recent loss.
There are certain rules and traditions that are typically followed during a shiva. For example, the front door is left open for those paying a condolence visit and the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva. Visitors typically bring food for the mourners, and eggs are eaten at the first meal following burial because they symbolize life. All mirrors in the shiva home are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity during this period. Mourners also do not wear shoes (though they may wear slippers), while visitors who are not in mourning keep their shoes on. Mourners often sit on low stools or chairs, as they are experiencing grief and are likely not comforted by material objects such as plush couches and chairs. After shiva ends, it is customary for mourners to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before actually returning to work and other worldly tasks. For more, take a look at our Shiva Ritual.
Yizkor is a prayer of remembrance that is recited four times a year in Jewish tradition, often as a community, to collectively remember and honor those who are no longer with us. It is said on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three “pilgrimage” holidays: the last day of Passover, the second day of Shavuot in the diaspora and the first day of Shavuot in Israel, and on Shemini Atzeret. Yizkor is generally recited following the Torah service, while the Torahs are still out of the ark during the morning service in a synagogue. For more, download our Yizkor Ritual.
Jewish burial ceremonies typically happen within 24 hours of someone dying. They are usually closed casket services that take place at a funeral home, a synagogue, or graveside. Jewish funerals are most often officiated by a rabbi, but can also be led by others, and they are a time to say prayers, blessings, and give a eulogy. It is common for mourners and attendees to participate in the burial by helping to shovel soil onto the casket after it is lowered into the ground–this provides loved ones with an opportunity to say goodbye and find closure so that the grieving process may begin.
An unveiling ceremony is an opportunity to return to a grave and “uncover” a headstone. It typically happens around one year following a death to mark the formal end of the grieving process, but can be done at any time earlier or later than that. Unveiling ceremonies do not have a set liturgy or traditional ritual, but many people choose to recite kaddish in the presence of 10 Jewish adults over the age of 13, and may also recite, or substitute if there are fewer than 10 Jewish adults present, the El Maleh Rachamim memorial prayer.
Prior to the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a cloth, and then during the ceremony the cloth is removed. Some may use a cloth that has personal meaning, sometimes a tablecloth or a scarf that belonged to the deceased. Following the unveiling, those in attendance often place a rock or pebble on the headstone instead of flowers. You may wish to gather for a meal after, similar to the meal of consolation following a funeral. Some have the custom of washing the hands (without a blessing) upon exiting the cemetery, or upon arriving home after having visited a cemetery.
A yahrzeit is the anniversary of a Jewish death. To honor a yahrzeit, it is traditional to say kaddish and to light a 24-hour candle. Some may sponsor a meal at synagogue in memory of their loved one on or near the anniversary; others may mark the day at home with the sharing of stories about the one who has died, or studying Jewish texts in their memory, or even eating their favorite foods. The Yahrzeit is generally observed on the date of the death according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, with the day beginning and ending at sundown. For more ways to honor a yahrzeit, download our Yahrzeit Ritual.
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Remember.
Remember the blessings of those who no longer walk this earth.
Remember each name, each life-story.
Remember on behalf of those whose memory fails.
Remember with love the sweet and the bittersweet.
Remember with forgiveness the hurt and misunderstanding.
Remember with insight so you might experience deeper meaning.
Remember through the pain until you can touch the joy and find comfort.
Remember through dreams left unfulfilled and choose one to fulfill.
Remember through your heart.
Remember through your actions.
Remember through living with kindness, generosity and forgiveness.
Remember by planting memories and helping them take root in the living.
Remember by opening your heart even if you thought it was closed forever.
Remember to live your own life as a blessing.
Remember to do all this.
Remember and you will be remembered.
Remember.
-by Rabbi Nina Mizrahi
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Originally published by The Open Siddur Project
Clip source: The Shomer Collective
Yizkor: Instructions for Remembering by Rabbi Nina Mizrahi
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יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא. בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח,וְיִתְפָּאֵר, וְיִתְרוֹמֵם, וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא, וְיִתְהַדָּר, וְיִתְעַלֶּה, וְיִתְהַלָּל, שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא. לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא,תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא, דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל,וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
עשֶֹׁה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יוֺשְׁבֵי תֵבֶל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Mourners: Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'mei raba b'alma di-v'ra chirutei, v'yamlich malchutei b'chayeichon uvyomeichon uvchayei d'chol beit yisrael, ba'agala uvizman kariv, v'im'ru: "amen."
Everyone: Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varach l'alam ul'almei almaya.
Mourners: Yitbarach v'yishtabach, v'yitpa'ar v'yitromam v'yitnaseh, v'yithadar v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei d'kud'sha, b'rich hu, l'eila min-kol-birchata v'shirata, tushb'chata v'nechemata da'amiran b'alma, v'im'ru: amen.
Y'hei shlama raba min-sh'maya v'chayim aleinu v'al-kol-yisrael, v'im'ru: amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol-yisrael, v'al kol-yoshvei teivel, v'imru: amen.
Mourners: May the Name that fills all names be blessed and strengthened in this created world.
May the Breath of Life that fills all breaths fill us with Life, and may it guide and rule our actions and visions, in our lives and in our time, now in this world, and in every moment to come.
And let us say: Amen.
Everyone: May that great Name be blessed within us and in all worlds, for all time.
Mourners: May Holiness stream forth from its Source, full of blessing and beauty. May the Name that weaves all Life be blessed and praised, made beautiful and resplendent, lifted up and exalted, to the highest and most majestic. Blessed be! Beyond all the praises and blessings and songs and prayers that can ever be said in the whole world. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
Mourners: May the Life and Love within us and between us be strengthened. May the Breath that fills all breaths fill the Cosmos with Peace, and may Peace and Life flow to us, to our community, to all peoples, and to all beings in this world. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
Mourners: The One who makes Peace in the furthest reaches of Creation will bring Peace to us and to all living beings. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
Traditional Mourner's Kaddish
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We Remember Them
by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer
At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.
We Remember Them
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Here’s a meditation to be recited after the Yom Kippur confessional prayer. It can also be used during the Hebrew month of Elul as preparation for the High Holy Days, the Yamim Noraim. It is the companion piece to “Meditation Before the Yom Kippur Vidui.”
Meditation After the Yom Kippur Vidui
For the sins I’ve committed against myself,
And for the sins I’ve committed against others,
I offer a new heart.
For the sins I’ve committed against my family,
And for the sins I’ve committed against my friends,
I offer new understanding.
For the sins I’ve committed against children,
And for the sins I’ve committed against adults,
I offer new restraint.
For the sins I’ve committed against men,
And for the sins I’ve committed against women,
I offer new vision.
For the sins I’ve committed against neighbors,
And for the sins I’ve committed against strangers,
I offer new insight.
For the sins I’ve committed against the powerful,
And for the sins I’ve committed against the weak,
I offer new wisdom.
For the sins I’ve committed against nations,
And for the sins I’ve committed against peoples,
I offer a new voice.
G-d of generations,
Source of forgiveness and grace,
For the sins that I remember,
And for the sins that I’ve forgotten,
I offer myself, in humble service,
To You, Your Word and Your Holy Name.
© 2011 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.
Here’s a meditation to be recited after the Yom Kippur confessional prayer, written to reinforce the core message of repentence and return. It was originally posted as a “Meditation after the Yom Kippur Vidui.” A friend pointed out that with a broader name for the prayer it can be used on Selichot, as well as throughout the month of Elul as preparation for the High Holy Days, the Yamim Noraim.
Meditation on the Vidui
For the sins I’ve committed against myself,
And for the sins I’ve committed against others,
I offer a new heart.
For the sins I’ve committed against my family,
And for the sins I’ve committed against my friends,
I offer new understanding.
For the sins I’ve committed against children,
And for the sins I’ve committed against adults,
I offer new restraint.
For the sins I’ve committed against neighbors,
And for the sins I’ve committed against strangers,
I offer new insight.
For the sins I’ve committed against the powerful,
And for the sins I’ve committed against the weak,
I offer new wisdom.
For the sins I’ve committed against nations,
And for the sins I’ve committed against peoples,
I offer a new voice.
G-d of generations,
Source of forgiveness and grace,
For the sins that I remember,
And for the sins that I’ve forgotten,
I offer myself, in humble service,
To You, Your Word and Your Holy Name.
© 2011 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.
Here’s a meditation from liturgist and poet Alden Solovy to be recited after the Yom Kippur confessional prayer, written to reinforce the core message of repentence and return. It was originally posted as a “Meditation after the Yom Kippur Vidui.” A friend pointed out that with a broader name for the prayer it can be used on Selichot, as well as throughout the month of Elul as preparation for the High Holy Days, the Yamim Noraim.
Meditation on the Vidui
For the sins I’ve committed against myself,
And for the sins I’ve committed against others,
I offer a new heart.
For the sins I’ve committed against my family,
And for the sins I’ve committed against my friends,
I offer new understanding.
For the sins I’ve committed against children,
And for the sins I’ve committed against adults,
I offer new restraint.
For the sins I’ve committed against neighbors,
And for the sins I’ve committed against strangers,
I offer new insight.
For the sins I’ve committed against the powerful,
And for the sins I’ve committed against the weak,
I offer new wisdom.
For the sins I’ve committed against nations,
And for the sins I’ve committed against peoples,
I offer a new voice.
G-d of generations,
Source of forgiveness and grace,
For the sins that I remember,
And for the sins that I’ve forgotten,
I offer myself, in humble service,
To You, Your Word and Your Holy Name.
© 2011 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.
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