Death is a part of life. Whether you’re planning for the end of a life, navigating a recent loss or remembering a loved one, Jewish rituals are designed to bring you peace and comfort during these challenging times. Learn about sitting shiva, explore Jewish funeral customs and blessings, and find end-of-life rituals that feel right for you and your family.
Learn more about Jewish rituals to honor the
end of a life
Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today. The Torah teaches us to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end-of-life wishes to the important people in our lives. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens.
“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, as in the seven days of mourning following a burial. Children, spouses, siblings, and parents of the deceased are traditionally obligated to sit shiva. During a shiva period, Jewish mourners stay at home while their family and friends take care of their basic needs by sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. The idea is to give mourners the time and space they need to process their grief and cope with the recent loss.
There are certain rules and traditions that are typically followed during a shiva. For example, the front door is left open for those paying a condolence visit and the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva. Visitors typically bring food for the mourners, and eggs are eaten at the first meal following burial because they symbolize life. All mirrors in the shiva home are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity during this period. Mourners also do not wear shoes (though they may wear slippers), while visitors who are not in mourning keep their shoes on. Mourners often sit on low stools or chairs, as they are experiencing grief and are likely not comforted by material objects such as plush couches and chairs. After shiva ends, it is customary for mourners to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before actually returning to work and other worldly tasks. For more, take a look at our Shiva Ritual.
Yizkor is a prayer of remembrance that is recited four times a year in Jewish tradition, often as a community, to collectively remember and honor those who are no longer with us. It is said on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three “pilgrimage” holidays: the last day of Passover, the second day of Shavuot in the diaspora and the first day of Shavuot in Israel, and on Shemini Atzeret. Yizkor is generally recited following the Torah service, while the Torahs are still out of the ark during the morning service in a synagogue. For more, download our Yizkor Ritual.
Jewish burial ceremonies typically happen within 24 hours of someone dying. They are usually closed casket services that take place at a funeral home, a synagogue, or graveside. Jewish funerals are most often officiated by a rabbi, but can also be led by others, and they are a time to say prayers, blessings, and give a eulogy. It is common for mourners and attendees to participate in the burial by helping to shovel soil onto the casket after it is lowered into the ground–this provides loved ones with an opportunity to say goodbye and find closure so that the grieving process may begin.
An unveiling ceremony is an opportunity to return to a grave and “uncover” a headstone. It typically happens around one year following a death to mark the formal end of the grieving process, but can be done at any time earlier or later than that. Unveiling ceremonies do not have a set liturgy or traditional ritual, but many people choose to recite kaddish in the presence of 10 Jewish adults over the age of 13, and may also recite, or substitute if there are fewer than 10 Jewish adults present, the El Maleh Rachamim memorial prayer.
Prior to the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a cloth, and then during the ceremony the cloth is removed. Some may use a cloth that has personal meaning, sometimes a tablecloth or a scarf that belonged to the deceased. Following the unveiling, those in attendance often place a rock or pebble on the headstone instead of flowers. You may wish to gather for a meal after, similar to the meal of consolation following a funeral. Some have the custom of washing the hands (without a blessing) upon exiting the cemetery, or upon arriving home after having visited a cemetery.
A yahrzeit is the anniversary of a Jewish death. To honor a yahrzeit, it is traditional to say kaddish and to light a 24-hour candle. Some may sponsor a meal at synagogue in memory of their loved one on or near the anniversary; others may mark the day at home with the sharing of stories about the one who has died, or studying Jewish texts in their memory, or even eating their favorite foods. The Yahrzeit is generally observed on the date of the death according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, with the day beginning and ending at sundown. For more ways to honor a yahrzeit, download our Yahrzeit Ritual.
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We Remember: Yizkor
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Loss and Mourning
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Featured clips
In this past year, in this past month, many people have died. We will read, “…who by famine and who by thirst,… who by plague…”.. We remember those who are no longer with us.
(Mourners and those who wish to, please rise)
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’meih rabah. B’alma divra chiruteih veyamlich malchuteih, bechayeychon uv’yomechon uv’chayey dechol beyt yisrael, ba‐agala uvizman kariv v’imru: amen.
Yehey shemey raba mevarach l’alam ulalmey almaya.
Yitbarach veyishtabach veyitpa‐ar veyitromam veyitnasey veyit‐hadar veitaleh veyit‐halal shemeih dekudsha berich hu. L’ela l’ela mikol birchata veshirata tushbechata venechemata da’amiran be’alma v’imru: amen.
Yehey shelama raba min shemaya vechayim aleynu v’al kol yisrael v’imru: amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya‐aseh shalom aleynu v’al kol yisrael, v’al kol yoshvey teiveil, v’imru: amen.
Let God’s name be made great and holy in the world that was created as God willed. May God complete the holy realm in your own lifetime, in your days, and in the days of all the house of Israel, quickly and soon. And say:
Amen
May God’s great name be blessed forever and as long as worlds endure.
May it be blessed, and praised, and glorified, and held in honor, viewed with awe, embellished, and revered; and may the blessed name of holiness be hailed, though it be higher by far than all the blessings, songs, praises, and consolations that we utter in this world. And say: Amen.
May Heaven grant a universal peace, and life for us, and for all Israel. And say: Amen.
May the One Who creates harmony above make peace for us and for all Israel, and for all who dwell on earth. And say: Amen.
2 hours. Serves 6.
Adeena Sussman learned a version of this recipe from fellow cookbook author Shaily Lipa, who learned it from her grandmother. The dough shares the French pâte à choux technique of cooking on the stovetop first, but the addition of vinegar makes it easy to roll. The resulting crust is incredibly flaky and Sussman’s smoky eggplant filling decadent. If you’d like, omit the cheeses. The tart will still be delicious without.
Ingredients
Filling
Dough
Topping
Instructions
Make ahead
The dough can be prepared, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, and refrigerated for up to 1 day before rolling and baking.
Recipe adapted from “Sababa” by Adeena Sussman
Smoky Eggplant and Feta Galette
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Poem for the Disappointed by Deanna Neil
For those who worked for years
for a moment
a culmination
that passed and deflated before their eyes
an alveolus wheezing
a balloon sputtering
wailing grossly from its untied belly button
until an even more frightening
silence
For when the whole word reached out for a hug
and the only thing to grasp was thin air
For when the calendar postponed
but time marched on, sweating in our living rooms
For when we tried to run away from our bodies
but needed them to get where we were going
for the humility you felt when your plans shook away
like a simple etch-a-sketch
(how you thought the lines had looked so permanent)
for when you were too embarrassed to admit,
while standing over a virtual casket,
how much that job meant to you
for when you were afraid and hoarding chocolates in your nightstand
scanning the internet for the local gun store
pale, trembling, deep inside your lungs,
considering that your dreams never meant anything
that nothing ever meant anything
and understanding in brief, hot flashes
that you are infinitely, endemically interconnected
to everything
for when we saw ourselves
close a chapter we were in the middle of writing
but still, shaking, held the pen
There was a passionate answer
a deep knowing
that this time would come
a communal winter
when the greased machine would get arthritis
when the hot world would exact revenge
A bright stop sign on our road to purpose.
And this is when we reminded each other
that the conversation we have with loss
is perennial
and must be endured
together
while solitary
In a confined closet
accessible by outer space
Like a cosmic cure in your underpants
Like an epiphany that has no alphabet
yet
יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא. בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח,וְיִתְפָּאֵר, וְיִתְרוֹמֵם, וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא, וְיִתְהַדָּר, וְיִתְעַלֶּה, וְיִתְהַלָּל, שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא. לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא,תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא, דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל,וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
עשֶֹׁה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְֹרָאֵל וְעַל כָּל יוֺשְׁבֵי תֵבֶל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Mourners: Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'mei raba b'alma di-v'ra chirutei, v'yamlich malchutei b'chayeichon uvyomeichon uvchayei d'chol beit yisrael, ba'agala uvizman kariv, v'im'ru: "amen."
Everyone: Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varach l'alam ul'almei almaya.
Mourners: Yitbarach v'yishtabach, v'yitpa'ar v'yitromam v'yitnaseh, v'yithadar v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei d'kud'sha, b'rich hu, l'eila min-kol-birchata v'shirata, tushb'chata v'nechemata da'amiran b'alma, v'im'ru: amen.
Y'hei shlama raba min-sh'maya v'chayim aleinu v'al-kol-yisrael, v'im'ru: amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol-yisrael, v'al kol-yoshvei teivel, v'imru: amen.
Mourners: May the Name that fills all names be blessed and strengthened in this created world.
May the Breath of Life that fills all breaths fill us with Life, and may it guide and rule our actions and visions, in our lives and in our time, now in this world, and in every moment to come.
And let us say: Amen.
Everyone: May that great Name be blessed within us and in all worlds, for all time.
Mourners: May Holiness stream forth from its Source, full of blessing and beauty. May the Name that weaves all Life be blessed and praised, made beautiful and resplendent, lifted up and exalted, to the highest and most majestic. Blessed be! Beyond all the praises and blessings and songs and prayers that can ever be said in the whole world. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
Mourners: May the Life and Love within us and between us be strengthened. May the Breath that fills all breaths fill the Cosmos with Peace, and may Peace and Life flow to us, to our community, to all peoples, and to all beings in this world. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
Mourners: The One who makes Peace in the furthest reaches of Creation will bring Peace to us and to all living beings. And let us say:
Everyone: Amen.
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